Thoughts on Having a Baby Boy

Oh man, this poor neglected blog! I’ve currently got several half written posts saved up but haven’t had the time to put some thought into finishing them. With less than two months left to go before little man arrives, life has been pretty busy!

My husband as a little boy.

I wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been having about the fact that I’m going to have a little boy. It’s funny how, when you first find out that you are expecting, you begin to imagine who this little person is and who they will grow into. Not knowing one way or the other, you imagine both gender possibilities; all the things you’re going to get to do with either a little boy or a little girl. When Adam and I learned that our child was a boy, I was overjoyed, but I also felt a little intimidated. Of course I will (and do!) love whatever children we may have, but I was definitely a girly girl when I was little and didn’t have a lot of friends who were boys growing up. How on earth am I going to raise a little boy? It’s hard for me to imagine what this little man who carries half my DNA is going to be like!

Now that I’ve had a little time to let the news sink in, I’m very excited by the prospect of raising a boy! I’ve done a lot of thinking about the type of kid my husband was and how I would have loved to have known what he was like growing up. Well, here’s my chance!

I started doing some research on the internet to gain some insight, and I’ve actually been really surprised at how little there is out there on raising boys! What there does seem to be a lot of, are opinion posts on how to react if you suspect your little boy is gay*, or articles with an overly religious bend to them. While both can be important topics to consider in parenting, there do seem to be far more helpful articles out there on how to raise strong, confident girls (I’m all for some girl power, but have we forgotten that little boys still need guidance too?). Even more interesting, alongside the lack of information on raising well adjusted men, there appears to be an abundance of articles like this.  Since the news about the rape trial in Steubenville Ohio, quite a few articles have come out about how to raise your son to not be a rapist! A few of them are helpful (this one was ok) but does it really take a rape trial for people to want to write about what it takes to raise a son in this day in age?

I don’t envision our son growing up to be a mooch or a rapist (mooching rapist?). That is not the concern. What I want to be sure of though, is that I’m putting forth every effort to be the best mother I can be for him. So, I’ve compiled a list of the things I hope I can offer my son. Perhaps it’s premature, the prospect of becoming a parent is a daunting one and (while I realize no amount of research or planning can truly prepare me for it) I don’t think it’s ever to early to start thinking about the type of parent you want to be.  I thought it would be a useful reference for the future.

• I hope to instill in you a love of learning. I plan to do this by reading to you from an early age and taking you on lots of adventures. When you’re older, I’ll encourage you to go off and have adventures of your own. The world is pretty awesome, there’s a lot you can learn from what’s out there.
• I hope to teach you respect for others. With technology, the world is getting smaller than it was when when your father and I were kids. It’s best that we all learn to get along and consider each other’s point of view before jumping to conclusions.
•  I hope to help you figure out what your strengths and passions are. One of the most challenging things about growing up isn’t just figuring out what you want to do with your life, but also what you’re ABLE to do with it. We’re not all cut out to be super star athletes or Nobel Prize winning scientists. We’ll help you find out what YOU are best at and what makes YOU happy and we’ll do everything we can to see that that part of you is nurtured.
• While I want to help you succeed, I plan on doing this by also allowing you to fail. Failure is one of the best teachers in life and it will teach you things that I alone cannot.  It’s not my wish to micromanage your life and solve your problems for you. By allowing you to fail, my hope is that you will eventually learn perseverance and develop confidence in your own ability to solve problems.
• With that in mind, also know that it’s ok to ask for help when you need it. I myself am pretty guilty of forgetting this fact.
• We want to prepare you for adulthood, but a huge part of that is allowing you time to be a child first. I look forward to many hours of inspecting bugs, dressing up as super heroes and building forts out of couch cushions.
• I hope to prepare you, more than anything, to be a master of your own life. No one is ultimately responsible for you happiness but you.
• If I send you off to college not knowing how to do your own laundry and prepare a basic, healthy meal for yourself, I’ve failed as your mother.
• In the end, if you turn out anything like your father, I’ll consider my job a success.

Sorry if that just got a bit like a graduation speech! I’m sure this list will evolve and change over the years, but these are my thoughts for now. 🙂

*Of course I will love and accept him regardless of what his sexual preference turns out to be, but for now, he’s a baby and that is the farthest thing from my mind. We’ll cross that bridge when (and if) we come to it!